Why did ….YOU ?

When I stare within myself , thoughts , whispering dreams that dance and swirl ,  as golden drops of tears are falling , My Mind asks,
“Why did….YOU?”

Out of the vast horizon , the cold dark wind blew away my dreams . You promised me forever , yet  forever is gone . I see my face , crying once
again . Tears flowing with every thought , tears falling with every dream forgotten , tears rolling down my cheeks as every heartbeat cuts like a knife .

Is this what we call “LOVE” ? Is this what it feels to be in love ? Do I really know , what love is ?  I am looking for the feeling , I am searching deep
inside my soul . As I have become so numb with pain …. Where is the truth , where is the rapture of being loved..?….So many words spoken , yet all of
them mean nothing….meaning nothing to him nor to me ! Do I need to read between the lines of yesterday ‘s writing on the wall ?     Oh No ! I don’t
want to see , I don’t want to hear nor  do I want to touch on anything that reminds me of this so called “Empty Words”  that they are  INVISIBLE
uttered maybe out of …….???

I’d rather be blind , than see all the lies , all the deception , or should I say Fantasies written , to fill a void in my life , our life….to suit a purpose..  I will
have no part of it , anymore…..I just gave a part of myself again . Loving an illusion of  the past ,  of the future ??? …..How foolish of me, once again .       What made me think
that it would be different this time ? What childish dream did I hang on to , to believe that …..He would change , and be strong for both of us ?

I can’t hide my pain , I can’t hide my tears , my heart is in torment …and you are the cause ….Why did I believe you , again ? Why did I love you like
I use to , and even more than before …. I am drowning in my own sorrow . I just can’t imagine , that the second time around it would be the same , and
more unbearable pain , that rips my heart and  numbs my mind .   I feel so stupid and foolish just like before….Every time I breathe , it hurts and I can’t
help it …And I cannot pretend , how I feel , I can’t help it .

One can see the pain on my face , there is no hiding , as the rain pours down my face ……Hot tears , burns as it rolls down my eyes …My very sad eyes,
say so much , but you can’t see…..you never have ….You have been so involved with …..yourself…!

Do I even know you at all ? Who is this person that I , again gave part of  my life to ?  Has the years apart , made such a drastic change in you ? That
to give true love is hard for you . When did you become , like this , a  Monster !

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March 2010
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